Hallie Goertz

I’m now four weeks into my new role of job seeker after being laid off from my senior management position at the end of October. I’m luckier than most in that I wasn’t surprised to see the Human Resources Director sitting at the table when I walked in for the “Pipeline Status Meeting” my boss had quickly scheduled the evening before. I had unofficially learned of my fate around the water cooler a few days prior. And, I left my company with just over four weeks of pay, including vacation and a small severance package.

Despite the bronze parachute and the additional time to process the situation, this change still squarely fits in the category of extremely stressful life events.

First, there is the lack of structure to my days. Sure, the first week (or two) was pretty nice. I slept in, caught up on my filing, cleaned out a couple of closets, and went on lunch dates with stay-at-home mom friends and to doctors appointments. Wonderful.

But the reality of my new unscheduled life started to set in a few days ago and I’ve begun to enviously check the IM status of my old colleagues as they sign in every morning. It’s strange to watch them change their status from “available” to “on the phone” or “busy” knowing they are participating in meetings I used to lead while I sit in bed eating leftover cake while watching Gossip Girl and Grey’s Anatomy on my computer. And, though there are always things to do around the house (read: paint the bedroom), I constantly worry about spending money.

I’m a single gal with a sizeable mortgage. According to my budget forecast I should be OK financially through the end of winter, but the lack of a steady income is concerning. It doesn’t help that every time I turn on NPR or peruse the New York Times I come across another layoff announcement. Recently it was Citigroup announcing up to 50,000 job cuts. Fifty thousand!?!?

I’m confident in my employability, but with the holidays coming and so many people looking for work, well, I can’t help but worry that the job search may stretch into early 2009 or beyond.

And, of course, there are the inevitable “why me?” thoughts. They told me that I was doing a good job and that my colleagues respected my work, so why was I on that list? In my case, the answer to those questions came down to the organization’s financial bottom line and individual ability to generate revenue.

My old company sold professional services to other organizations. I managed the people and processes that provided those services. It was an important role, and one in which I was, by all accounts, very successful. But it was all overhead. This made my position difficult to justify during the most recent cost-cutting reorganization and lay-offs that resulted from the current economic crisis as well as changing needs in the business sectors we served.

So, what is next?

Well, there is always a silver lining (at least I’m hopeful that this is the case) and this unexpected professional intermission is giving me time to reconsider my career path, which up until the past year was focused on public-sector work, namely evaluation and measurement consulting and technical assistance. Do I go back? Do I stay in the private sector? And, what about starting a consulting business of my very own? So, in between the bouts of self-doubt (what if I don’t EVER find a new job?) and mild self-loathing (everyone else has a job, why can’t I?) I’ve been … networking.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Hallie Goertz can be reached at halliegoertz@hotmail.com